All my life I've been quite shy. I made friends in first grade (as a 7-year-old) and they were my friends for the next 13 years. I didn't have the need to meet new people, since I had friends already! Sure, I hung out with people at parties with those friends, but never made any new close friendships.
During covid I developed social anxiety. I know many can relate to this. I stopped hanging out with people, and my social relationships suffered. When I moved here, I realised I would have to make new friends, and I had no idea how.
I never drink, but on orientation week I wanted to make friends, so I went drinking and partying every day. I felt like I was making friends. But unfortunately I got sick for a few weeks, and couldn't really see those people anymore. When I got back to uni, I felt like people had moved on and found better friends. This did a great deal of harm to my self-confidence. I stopped trying to hang out with people, because I wasn't invited to study with them. I wanted them to want me to be there!
Due to this way of thinking, one year later, I haven't found a group of close friends.
Recently I made the decision to get over my fear of talking to people. I read a few books on social interaction to beat my social anxiety (namely 'How to win friends and influence people'). A few days ago I did something I've been dreading for a long time: I asked an acquaintance to hang out! We're seeing each other tomorrow.
So how can you make friends?
If you feel like you're far into your studies and haven't made any good friends, do what I did. Find the reason you haven't. For me, it was because I felt like if people didn't ask me to hang out, they didn't really want me there. But that's not true. People don't really think all that much. People are ignorant. All they're doing is trying to make friends and make people like them.
If you feel like your social skills aren't all that great, fake it till you make it. Read books on how to make people like you. I know, it sounds like manipulation, and like you're not being yourself. But truth is, sometimes when you haven't made new friends in a while, you forget how to make people feel good around you. That's why you need to read books on it!
Some good books I can recommend are:
- How To Win Friends and Influence People - Dale Carnegie: This book teaches you the principles of conversation; how to be a good listener, how to be a likeable person. I recommend this book! This book made me much more confident in my abilities to coversate.
- The Charisma Myth - Olivia Fox Cabane: This book debunks the myth of charisma being a trait some people are born with. It teaches you how you, too, can become more charismatic. It has made me more aware of how I appear to people, and therefore more confident!
The nice thing about RSU is that the group sizes are small. There's 14-20 people in each group, meaning it's way easier to strike up a conversation with a group mate.
People only know about you, what you show them. If you start talking to people, being nice, smiling, they will find you a pleasant person to be around! So trust me, even if you feel like it's too late for you, it isn't!
There are so many people in university who feel like they haven't made friends and who don't spend their free time hanging out with people. If you see someone in class who seems to be quiet, talk to them!
Another place to make friends is in different societies. This ISA page has a list of all the academic and social societies you can join.
Here's some instagram pages I recommend you to check out:
- Gamers Riga: Student organised society that meets once a month to play board games at cafés
- ISA: Hosts regular events for RSU students including sports, hiking, etc.
- RSU Arts & Crafts: Hosts regular events, often painting
It can be scary, going to an event for the first time. It feels like everyone there must have friends already. But remember, if you don't go, you'll never know! You might meet your best friend there. I will be posting about my journey to becoming more social in the future, so I recommend following my instagram!
If you have an acquaintance in your group, shoot them a text. Ask them how they are! That's the only way to start a friendship.
In the future I will hope to build more resources to help people find friends. Until then, I hope this post will help someone!
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